Nine Shift

Our information response to Mother's call for help

. While you talk with the teacher, the principal, and the superintendent, your most important conversation is with YOUR SON.

This is the most important thing you do, or ever will do as a mother of your son.

You sit down with your son and tell him:

- He is a good kid.  You should tell him this frequently, as often as once a day, but ONLY when he is alone, NEVER in front of anyone else. Maybe when he is in bed and lights are out, so he is not embarrassed.  If he says he doesn’t want to hear that, do it less frequently or in other ways (pat on the back, nice job, etc.) but don’t stop telling him in some way that he is a good kid. This is critical.

- Ask him how his day went.  Do this as frequently as he wants to share. If he doesn’t want to share, no problem. Just give him an opportunity.  Don’t try to tell him what to do unless he asks. Just listen and sympathize.  He’ll probably only tell you the bad stuff, but that’s o.k. 

- Tell him you are his advocate. You are on his side. 

- Tell him the rules don’t make sense, the system doesn’t work, especially for boys.

- Tell him while he is not the Problem, he IS the Solution. He needs to do the best he can.

- Tell him he is smart, you know it, and that he can and will go to college.

- Tell him it’s o.k. if college takes a little longer, it’s o.k. if he doesn’t just go from high school directly to college, just that college is different and when he is ready and he wants to go, that he will.

- Your interaction with your son is more important than any teacher or school.  If you are supportive, then he will do fine. No matter what happens at school.

Real life Mother's call for help

I have a dilemma. My son had a 95% average and the teacher had a policy that all tests should be signed-unknown to me as she did not indicate it. My son did not get 6 tests signed --all the tests were over 90 and three were 100's which counted on a HW grade. This reduced his grade to an 85.

I spoke with teacher-to no avail and could use some tips in how to advocate for him. My son is in 9th grade.

As an FYI, NY state has state tests and my son got a 99% on his Math A regents just given in January. 

Why did he not get very high grades signed? He simply forgot, as we get home late and didn't know it would really count against him.

Please help.

Anna in New York

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Hospital incompetence: Saving Daddy

Sunday update: Julie's father doing well, now that the hospital is doing NOTHING to him.

Historical summary:
Phase 1.  Daddy declines at home. Children decide he should go to a care home.
Phase 2.  Daddy is in first care home for only three days before they abuse him and drug him.
Phase 3. Children move Daddy from the first "bad" care home to the second "good" care home.
He's been there until last week, when they overdosed him once too many times. Ambulance takes him to hospital, where the doctor says he was within 2 hours of dying.
Phase 4.  Daddy recovering nicely in hospital, Until the original doctor went off duty and the other shift nurses drugged him up again, putting him into comatose state again.
Julie rescues him again, and he has been recuperating for last week in hospital.
Phase 5.  THE IRONY.  Tomorrow Julie hopes Daddy will return home again, where she can get him 24 X 7 care under her instruction, without the OD. 

Hospital Incompetence: Saving Daddy

Friday night update.  Daddy got out of bed (with help) for the first time in ten days, ate for the first time in ten days, smiled, laughed, and made Julie's day.

Last night the hospital said someone would watch him overnight, but no one ever showed up, so Julie stayed up all night holding his hand. She sure is exhausted tonight, but happy.  If the hospital doesn't do anything else to him for the next few days, he will go home. It's day-to-day, but today a good day.

Thanks to those interested in the Saving Daddy real life series this week.  My blog stats indicate that page views are up 20% from normal this week, so I know a number of you are interested, and Julie and I appreciate it.

Saving Daddy

Some thoughts:
1. Factory hospital.   They seem to be treating Daddy like he had another disease, not what he has. His treatment seems to be what's in the best interest of the health care facility, not him.
2. Records.   The written record system is so outdated, it needs to be online, and then some system where people actually have to read it before doing something contrary to the record's documentation.
3. Home.  The interesting part is that "home" turns out to be better than the health care facility. Better for treatment.  And lower cost, even with 24 hour home care. 

Saving Daddy: one error after another

Julie says, "It's been one error after another. Is this incompetence or don't they care?"

More errors.
* Two days ago a nurse from the hospital told Julie Daddy's vital statistics signs had declined rapidly. That confused Julie, it did not make sense.  When they looked at the patient chart, it was ANOTHER PATIENT'S chart the nurse was citing!

* Today they disconnected Daddy's intravenous fluids, contrary to Julie's orders and wishes. When Julie asked to have the fluids restored, she looked at the patient chart. Once again, the nurse was looking at ANOTHER PATIENT'S chart!

Is this incompetence? Is the written chart outdated? Or is this just the hospital staff wanting Daddy to die and go away?

Saving Daddy: today's update

As of tonight, Daddy is still sleeping, but he has woken up several times today, which is good. He is very hungry, and that's also a good sign, means he wants to live.  Julie says with all the OD drugging the health care institutions have done on him, he might never be the same. But tonight she's hopeful he will win his latest battle with the health care system.

Saving Daddy

Daddy got to the care center from another care center.
At the other care center, he received bruises, didn't get the right medicine, was given the wrong medicine.
He was there only three days before Julie and her siblings took him out of there, into the second care center.

He seemed to be doing well in the second care center. Other patients loved him. He liked the social events. But after awhile, it became clear that the second care center started to do the same old thing. Patients had to eat at certain times only in the cafeteria, no eating in your room. So if Daddy missed a meal, he missed eating. He lost weight.  He got some more bruises from staff mishandling him.

Julie thought about bringing him home again and having 24 hour care at home. So he could get the right treatment.  Then the OD on morphine, the hospital, the second OD and comatose state, and Julie's fighting for her father's life again.

Saving Daddy update

Julie's father is still in a coma like state, hasn't woken up yet from the bad drug the hospital gave him more than a day ago. He is getting fluids intraveneously, and is not have hallucinations like before, and is not in pain. But he hasn't woken up yet, and Julie's afraid he might not wake up. One OD too many, she noted.

Saving Daddy

Julie's father has Lewy Body dementia, a newly discovered special kind of dementia.
According to the Mayo Clinic web site above, "Lewy body dementia shares characteristics with both Alzheimer's disease and Parkinson's disease."  But it also has a lot of differences.
He understands everything.  His words are almost always jumbled, so you can't understand him, but he knows what's going on.

Daddy was in a care center. He had a bad day on Friday. So they called Hospice. That person recommended morphine, a drug that causes a really bad reaction in Lewy Body patients, like Daddy. Two hours later they gave him another shot of it, only doubled the dose.  He went into a comatose state.

Julie and I stayed with him all night.
After 24 hours of being comatose, not getting any water, not getting his medicine, Julie decided to call the hospital EMT medics and get him to the hospital.  The medics put the sirens on, said he only had two hours to live unless they took action, got him to the hospital, saved him, and brought him out of the comatose state.  Daddy became alert again, smiled, recognized Julie, and was recovering. 

Julie went home to bed after a 48 hour ordeal. Then the doctor went off duty.  Then other hospital staff, ignoring his written chart, gave him another shot of the drug that caused him to become comatose. I repeat the question, how does this happen?